Assigned Blog Post #4: Carillon Point Details

I seem to have missed out on the naming fun, oh well, now I can focus extra hard! on epic details.  Thats what I would say, but Carillon Point seems to be jam packed for a small town of less than 10,000 people.  Alas.

This is what I got:
A shrine to the superstar soccer player, where the townspeople insensitively burn insence,  and leave offerings even though he's still alive.

A public art project designed to make the sewers dumping off the bluffs and into the ocean look attractive.

A Sani-Can City, made of Honey-Bucket Hovels, where the hobos and the rebels live.

Assigned Blog Post #3: Lisa Strossenberger--A Profile of a Twisted Mind

Lisa Strossenberger was a homely 43 year old sinner.  She was a marriage counselor and a self-acknowledged people watcher but this facade of being thoughtful about other people only covered up her true desires and lustful passions.  Yes, Lisa Strossenberger was that certain type of cretin that makes normal mortals insides go all twisted, and her squishy brow and grey streaked hair did nothing to hide that.  Indeed, she hid her outside appearance with her inside appearance, but did not fool anyone for long--after all, her biggest dream was to win the world cup-stacking competition--something that no self respecting women would ever let cross her mind, much less occupy it.  In fact, when she said that she was a people watcher, what she meant was that she imagined people as cups, ready to be stacked.  Yes, this Lisa Strossenberger was a terrible person, a blight on the face of the earth, and at 43 years old, no matter how twisted and crippled she looked, she still had half a lifetime to further spread her rotting mind and influence.

Luckily that corrupting life was cut short when a certain man took offense at Lisa Strossenberger trying to pick him up and stick him on another person in Madison Square Garden.  Rat McNair stood up, dusted himself off and dispatched Lisa Strossenberger with one uppercut that sent her straight into space.  In space, not even Lisa Strossenberger could save herself and she died promptly and fell back to earth, landing on the world's newest hero, Rat McNair, and crushing him beneath her giant weight and huge velocity.  Soon, the world returned to normal.

The End

Assigned Blog Post #2: I Would Like to Tell You About My Style

Hello.  Welcome to Fleeing From the!!!, the unique introspective and extraspective blog that I have created to teach my followers (0 at the moment!) about my experiences in Writing Fiction.  Today I would like to tell you about my style.  My writing style, to be exact.  While I write, I have noticed that I imagine eyebrow expressions to go along with each phrase or sentence.  What I have found is that most of my sentences are ones that make my left eyebrow raise a bit, while my right eye squints.  Between these are interspersed certain sentences, such as this one, that make me crease my brow a bit, with the insides of both of my eyebrows curved up a little.  The third most common sentence or phrase is the one where both of my eyebrows relax except for a slight downturn at the edge of my right eyebrow.  This says something about my style.

I guess this shows that my style is to maintain a certain flow of tones throughout all my writing--although I'm not exactly sure what those tones are.  As for structural style, I would hazard that I use either really short sentences, or really long sentences with tons of embedded comma phrases, as well as dashes.  Thats about it for structure though.  Grammatically I have heard on the occasion that I write in the passive voice.   I would say though, that what I actually write in is the passive-aggressive voice.

Anyway, thats all I have to write for the nonce.  In about ten minutes I shall have another assigned blog post up on the internet for my millions of followers to read.  I hope you enjoyed me telling you about my style.

A Blog Post in the Hand

A Blog Post in the Hand, to quote my title, is not, and by not I mean pretty much never, worth two Blog Posts in the Bush.  Despite the common saying that one would encounter were one to substitute the word “Bird” for the two words “Blog Post,” the saying is simply not true.  Now, I don’t mean to be disrespectful to the wise people who come up with this sort of saying or to the wise people at Geico who are running a commercial asserting the truth of the maxim, but besides not being true for Blog Posts, the saying isn’t true for Birds either.

Basically, this laughable “axiom” suggests that because you already have the bird in your hand and thus don’t need to catch it, it is worth a lot more than those two birds in that bush way over there that you’d need to run over to and catch before they could be worth anything to you.  While this may have been true back when we (humans) were cavemen and we relied on bird meat to survive, now, the only point in catching a bird is the thrill of catching a bird.  Likewise, to write a Blog Post, or to write anything, for that matter, even if it doesn’t start with a “B,” is foolish and useless if you already have it in the hand.  While writing can be a method of making a living, there are other methods of living and because of this writing only need be done with love or for enjoyment.  To catch the spirit and soul of a great story is the point of writing, and if that spirit and soul does not come out of some effort or thought, what is the point of ever having it?

Assigned Blog Post #1: Truth Submarines!

 Submarines are boats that go underwater, for your information.  This, coincidentally, is a metaphor for how I conceal the truth, or think I conceal the truth, when I write.  I don’t really have any control over what truth there is in my writing, but I have happened to notice that what I write usually has nothing to do with anything I’ve ever done before, or even with anything I’ve thought of before.  Usually, I try to think of something new to write about, something so disconnected from my person that it doesn’t have a personal feel to it.  Unfortunately, I’ve also noticed that on occasion, or actually most times I write, that no matter how random or how distant I try to make my subject matter, it still retains an undercurrent of my personality, and the truths that I believe in.  That is, to put it in highly symbolical speech, my truth is a submarine.

Once, I had to write a paragraph introducing myself to my English teacher.  I couldn’t think of anything interesting, or I was too scared to, and instead just made something up.  I wrote about how I was a Coke guy, and how Pepsi made every day I lived worse.  Until that moment, I had never thought of that before and I had never connected it to myself.  But, at that moment, it became a truth of my way of living and of my mentality.  This seems like a good moment to return to my grand overarching metaphor and tell you that at this moment, the Submarine of Truth surfaced and inhaled some fresh air.

Jive Talking

I’ve found that posting anything online, be it videos, poems, essays, or even status updates on facebook, is one of the most difficult things that I can and have done.  Just creating this blog took me somewhere around an hour, while I changed and rechanged my url, and agonized over the name of the blog.  By the time anybody reads this post, I’ll probably change my blog’s name at least five times. The problem, I think, is that anybody can see these posts until the internet dies—an event that I don’t imagine will happen for quite some time.   That means to me at least, that my posts have to be perfect.  If everything can be seen by everyone for eternity, then it has to show insight, it has to be funny, it has to be intelligent, or it can’t be online. Of course, thats not possible now.  Those halcyon days of censoring every idea or whim i have to post on the internet are gone.  

The gist is, of course, that now I’m required to post on this blog on a regular basis.  Gone are the times of hexatuply checking  each word that i put online.  There is much too much to do, and too many posts to make, so I have to adjust. I haven’t reached that point yet.

I hope that I can edit this post after I’ve posted it.  I’m starting to doubt that hexatuply is a word.

Edit: What does this have to do with Jive Talking?