A Belated Tale of Valentines Day

"Curses!  It seems that I have dropped my fork down my pants once again."  Said the extremely beautiful Elven Queen as an athletically shaped Human Ranger drifted into the grand throne room.  Her white face with its slightly green hue turned in consternation and she addressed the Human. "Would you please fetch it for me?" She asked.
"I'm afraid I don't feel comfortable reaching into your pants, milady."  Said the burly Human.
The Queen's face flushed in embarrassment, as she waved the stumps of her arms in front of the Ranger's face.
The Human saw the lack of arms and realized his faux pas.  He too flushed in embarrassment.  Bowing hastily, he said, "Forgive me, my Queen.  I did not realize that you were so lopsided."
As he approached the throne, this thought went through his head: This is wonderful.  Perhaps we shall have a romance and because I love helpless women that look more beautiful than my own mother this Elven Queen could be my soulmate!  Balthandolo the Forest God be praised.  Assisting poor females who can't do anything for themselves is what validates my existence!  Oh yes.  Here I go.  I'm reaching my hand towards the Queen and now I'm going to gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh....oh curse you Morcine the Flame Goddess.  I forgot, I don't have arms either!  Hubert and Willowsven be sent to slave in the flames of the forge of Miphisotilues for eternity!
At that, the poor unbalanced man started to fall over, and though he pinwheeled frantically he could not save himself.  He barrelled over, landing on the queen's lap.  As he lay there, the prongs of the fork stabbing him in the back, he saw that the Elven Queen was truly beautiful.  She looked down on the Human and saw that he was beautiful as well.
"I could stay like this forever" She said.
"You do not have legs." Said the Human.
Flushing once again, the Queen responded. "I am well aware of that fact, but the fact that you do not have legs either is one that has just come to my attention."
Neither the Ranger nor the Queen could move because of their awkward positions.  With a lunge boosted by the strength of his core muscles, the Human launched his torso upwards, saving himself from plummeting to his death by locking the Queen's lips into his own.  Using the suction power of their mutual love, they shared a passionate kiss as he kicked the remnants of his limbs frantically, trying to move into an upright position.  Unable to do so, they hung there together, locked forever together in love, knowing that the instant one let go, they both would perish.