This Is What I Think of the Jonas Brothers

The Jonas Brothers Have Cool Shades, Dude.
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The Jonas Brothers have been called "Sexy Beasts" by some, and "Paragons of Hotness" by others.  They have, in their short history, been quite popular.  If my memory doesn't fail me, they were the feature band at last years big thanksgiving NFL game.  Popular rumor and Wikipedia tell me that they have or are going to have a 3D IMAX concert movie.  Where does this success come from?  From whither does their celebrity hail?  Did Joe make some satanic pledge in order to gain eternal fame?  These are the questions I ask, because I know that their singing, to be perfectly frank, sucks.

I believe that there is something that all three of these Jonas brothers share that makes them both alluring to females and non-threatening to young male children who do not know better.  This something is not charisma, as you will see if you watch a minute of their hit show "Jonas LA."  Neither is it coolness, the "It" factor, or just general likability.  No.  They have absolutely none of these.  What makes the Jonas Brothers awesome is their looks.

Readers, it was no deal with the devil, nor was it some other unspeakable action that gained the Jonas Brothers their popularity. Nay, indeed, it was their faces. It was their cherubic smiles, framed by the dark wisps of hair above their upper lips.  It was their puckered lips highlighted by their unshaven moustaches that caused the girls and the guys to swoon.  The Jonas Brothers are no devils, they are angels that light up the world every time they put on their jerk-glasses, sweep their unruly, and sexy!, hair through the air, and bunch up their 'staches in a pleasant grin.

This is the essence of "Jonas."