Murder, Swearing, and, Well You'll Just Have to Wait and See!

I sat down without any plan in mind to write my short story.  I wrote a very deep and philosophical first paragraph, but as I continued to write, it got stupider and stupider, until I didn't want it to be my short story anymore.  So I finished up at four pages, went back to the beginning and added some stupid stuff to match the tone.  I then threw in some gratuitous swearing and murder, and then the ending, which is very exciting, if you have the patience to read through this.  So, be warned, there's some terrible stuff behind this button!

 Eleventh grader Lenna Soderling woke up groggily, looking around at the slowly clearing classroom that she happened to be sitting in. Mr. Prawns, the teacher, was talking about his days in World War II, as he was wont to do, and she understood why she had fallen asleep. She yawned, and noticed that none of her fellow classmates were as peacefully content as she was. Glancing out of the side of her eye she saw the root of this problem. It was Richard Diech, as usual, stirring up discontent with his malicious activities. Today he was pulling apart his “MONO” eraser and throwing chunks at people from his conveniently placed back corner desk. When she looked closer, she saw that he actually had seven of the erasers all ready to be lobbed at her classmates, obviously a result of his spoiled upbringing and overindulgent parents. This was going to be a nightmare. It was nigh impossible to launch a counterattack against Richard Diech, because Mr. Prawns, although not normally the most attentive person in the world, was uncannily aware of the moment anybody turned their heads away from his blackboard. You could fall asleep, pick your nose, talk to your neighbor, or whatever else your heart desired as long as you did not turn your back on Mr. Prawns. The moment you did so he would whip out his school-appropriate stun-gun and stun you! As a result of this, Richard Diech was unassailable in his back corner fortress.

So she sat and watched as he cycled through the classroom, hitting each of her peers in turn with a perfectly thrown eraser bit to the back of the head. Soon Diech, a “large-boned child,” came to her, throwing an extra large piece right at her nose. She ducked but that only caused the bit to hit her in the eye. She gritted her teeth. It was a good thing she was Christian or she might have spun around and gotten stunned right there. But she kept Jesus's word firmly in her mind at all times. Turn the cheek. Turn the cheek. She repeated that to herself as she watched Diech cycle through the class again. Mr. Prawns was talking about the Vietnam War now, and how he had killed fifty different commies with a single lucky bullet that he had taken out of each enemy's dead body. Diech had circled back around to Lenna. She glared at him out of the corner of her eye, but he just smirked and hit her in the neck. She started out of her chair, but Mr. Prawns somehow noticed and spun around, hand on the stun-gun he kept holstered at his waste. Meekly, Lenna sat back down. Two more times Diech distributed his eraser bits to the class, and two more times Lenna barely avoided electrocution.

Then Richard Diech began his fifth cycle. Lenna's entire class was miserable, certain weak willed students were sobbing quietly to themselves, and the rest, blue and brown with eraser marks, had that same hopeless look that workers in a penitentiary colony have when they find out that they're going to have to stay there for the rest of their lives. Meanwhile Mr. Prawns had given up on his lecture, and was just sitting on his desk, facing the classroom, hand always hovering over his stun-gun. It was hell. One by one Diech knocked off every student in the class, the fifth strike proving too much for each of them. And then he came to Lenna. She was the last one, and Diech still had an entire eraser left. She tried to watch him behind her, laughing as he shrugged and picked up the whole eraser with a sadistic look on his face. She tried to turn her head enough to watch Diech wind up with the eraser but noticed that Mr. Prawns had pulled his stun-gun and was aiming it directly at her head. So she reluctantly turned back to face the front of the room. Behind her, the fat Diech released the eraser, chuckling ferociously as he did so. Mr. Prawns was guffawing too, merriment visible in his bespectacled eyes. But Lenna was sick of it. She whipped her head to the side, stuck up her arm and snatched the eraser out of the sky.

“I'm out of cheeks, you dick.”

Twirling around, she leapt out of her seat, fist clenched around the eraser. Suddenly all the merriment fell out of her two enemies. As she stalked over the collapsed bodies of her classmates, Diech's smirking face transformed into one of terror. He began to blubber in his corner while the number of desks between them diminished from five to two.

“What, may I ask, do you think you're doing, Ms. Lenna Soderling?” Said Mr. Prawns, holding his stun-gun out with the safety boldly disengaged.

“I'm putting things right, Mr. Prawns.” Responded Lenna.

“I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen on my watch, in my classroom, during my lecture!” Yelled the teacher, cocking his gun.

“I'm afraid it has to, Mr. Prawns.”

“And I'm afraid that you're going to go to the ER right......NOW!” He shouted, pulling the trigger on his stun-gun, aiming 3,000,000 watts of electrical power right at the small of Lenna's back. But she was ready. All of those grueling years in which she had been forced to watch Mr. Prawn's every movement payed off, as she could now predict his actions by instinct. Reaching behind her, she held the rubber eraser up, completely dampening the electrical shock.

“Curses! But I will not be foiled. I demand the respect of this classroom and I will have it. Take this!” Screamed Mr. Prawns as he shot off more bolts rapid fire from his semi-automatic stun-gun. It was futile though. Lenna completely ignored him, unconsciously moving her eraser around, absorbing every single shot that he sent her way as she walked closer and closer to Richard Diech who had fallen off his chair in fear. All of a sudden, she heard a click.

“I guess you're out of ammo, Mr. Prawns.” She said.

“Crap! Five minutes Soderling! Five minutes! And then you're toast!” With that, Mr. Prawns dashed out of the room to grab his stun-rifle from his locker. Meanwhile Lenna had arrived right in front of the sweating Diech.

“You are” she began, “A motherfucking son of a motherfucking bitch.” She raised her clenched fist. Diech blubbered beneath her, completely helpless and terrified. “I guess,” she continued, as her hand of justice reached the apex of its ascent, “you could say...” Diech began to see everything in slow motion, and Lenna's fist came plunging down towards his quivering jaw. “You're a grandmotherfucker, bitch!” And Diech blasted through floor of the school, his face bashed in by the force of Lenna's righteous fury.

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Epilogue: Seven Minutes Later.  Hidden secret ending!  It ruins the story.

Lenna sat alone, the rest of the class lying unconscious on the floor. In her chair, with her hands folded pristinely, she seemed the model of a perfect student. Mr. Prawns walked in the door, twirling an electric bazooka at his hip. Looking around, he saw the semi-dead Diech curled up in fetal position, the life seemingly sapped away, and he saw his just as still students. He sighed, and placed the stun bazooka by his teacher's podium, and walked towards Lenna.

“Now that these fools are out of the way... Oh Yeah Baby.” He said, grabbing her in a tenderly rough sort of way.

“Oh Yeah Baby” Agreed Lenna.