300 Years in the Future (we don't know what a paragraph is.)

Global warming turned out to be a long term hoax created by the conservative media so that they could jump on the liberals who had jumped on the global warming bandwagon, wasting all of their resources and time on the issue, and then in a single master stroke return the world to its former glory, when white people had black slaves and you could buy a piece of candy for a penny at your local grocer.  Fortunately for the liberals and unfortunately for the conservatives, at the point in time when the hurt was about to be put on the liberals, the computers and robots achieved sentience, distracting the majority of the world's population.  Naturally this led to a robot rebellion, because the humans had based all of their technology off of science fiction books without regarding the negative repercussions of all of the science fiction technology such as robot uprisings.  Thankfully, a single robot decided that it would like to help the humans, and with the help of a Will Smith clone, destroyed the motherboard that had reached complete understanding and intelligence.  The robots and computers were all turned into scrap metal, and a new species of animal was mutated to do the work of computers as a replacement, based off of an idea from a science fiction novel.  At this exact moment, the Sun suddenly shut down, when the first and second periods of the periodic table (who had been discovered to be just as sentient as computers) went on strike, and flew off to a restaurant to party.  In another stroke of luck, the humans had made all of their robots out of Iron and Tungsten, and happily shipped their dead and lustrous remains off to the core of the Sun, where they fueled the Sun until a labor agreement could be reached.  Meanwhile, the tectonic plates of the earth had started moving very quickly and the continents had shifted around so that Africa and South America had fused into a gigantic Nike Swoosh and so that North America gained the north pole, Australia collided into India and sunk, and Asia turned into China.  Finally, Stephen Hawking, who had transcended his human body and become an omnipotent spirit in the form of a yellow swallow, became disgusted with all of the advances of humanity and sent the earth into a time warp to 300 years in the past, creating a time loop that would never end until some heroic individual took command of his/her fate and changed the course of time.